yeah, I went there…

Cancer better watch it’s back… February 28, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sosewcute @ 11:20 am

Wow, so I guess the first thing I need to do is offer my sincere apologies for being so late in getting a new blog post up!  This past month, flown by does not even start to describe it!  We had Harper’s birthday party at the beginning of the month, it was fabulous and you will see pictures soon.   A week or so later we got some not great news about my father.  He’s been battling Multiple Myeloma for 5 years, and the past few meds they’ve had him on have just not been working very well…his numbers kept going up and he was having more and more symptoms, which basically meant he felt lousy and was in pain.  The doctors decided to put him in the hospital on an “intense” round of chemo for 5 days.  To say I didn’t handle it well would be an understatement.  I cried, and I cried, then I cried some more.  Literally everything made me cry.  Songs on the radio, commericals on TV, billboards…anything that even remotely made me think of my dad turned me into a sobbing mess.  Then one day I was driving in the car, and a Billy Idol song, Dancing with Myself,  came on the radio (thank you Sirius 80’s channel!).  I’ve always liked Billy Idol so I turned it up…then I turned it up again…and again.  Before I knew it the radio was cranked to 22 on the volume meter (I usually listen at 7-10) and I was yelling, not singing, but yelling along with the song.  Once the song was over I turned the radio down and realized I was crying again, but another realization hit me at the same time…they weren’t sad tears, they were angry tears.  I was mad.  Really really mad.  Irrationally mad.  I was mad that my father had to go through all this.  Mad that my son would have memories of his beloved grandfather being sick.  Mad that my daughter would never know the person I knew and that my son knew.  Mad that I had to watch my dad, the strongest and most amazing man I’ve ever known, get weak and tired to the point where he will fall asleep sitting up in a chair.  Mad that the doctors waited as long as they did to go with this aggressive route, and at the same time, mad that they were putting him through this.  Mad at everything and everyone.

Usually when I’m mad I yell and scream and slam doors…sometimes there is nothing more satisfying that the BOOM of a really well slammed door.  If you ask my husband, he’d tell you that sometimes one slam isn’t enough and I’ve been known to repeatedly slam a door 2 or 3 times until I feel better.  I will neither confirm nor deny that statement…  But in this case, there was nothing to yell at, no one to scream at, no one to blame.  Cancer is an invisible enemy.  And then I got mad that I couldn’t yell and scream and make it back down in that “wrath of Julie” way that I have (according to my mom).  Then it hit me.  If I’m this angry; what is my dad feeling.  How does he get through every day knowing there is thing inside him plotting against him and making him feel horrible?  The next morning I called my mom, they were packing his bag for the hospital.  I told her to make sure he had a picture of his grandchildren with him, and told her she had to make sure it was somewhere he could see it, so that when things were bad, and he felt like giving up, he could look at that picture and remember what he was fighting for.

He made it through the 5 days and is back home.  He’s doing ok, very weak and tired, but that is to be expected.  So far he hasn’t lost his hair, though he did buzz it off just in case, and he hasn’t had any of the horrible side effects we were worried about.  For that I am eternally thankful.  He will go back into the hospital in about 2 weeks for another 5 day round of chemo, and then, if the doctors are right, we can hope for complete remission.

I know one thing.  Cancer picked the wrong person.  He’s going to kick Cancer’s Ass.


Oh Pinterest, how I love you! January 31, 2012

Filed under: family,home,me... — sosewcute @ 9:10 pm

If you follow me on Pinterest, you know that I love to pin delicious looking recipes, practical (and some not-so-practical) organization/storage ideas, fun crafts, and lots of other good stuff.  I was showing Pinterest to my hubs the other  night (who called it Pee-Interest before I educated him on the awesomeness of Pinterest) and after a few minutes he looked at the screen and said, “OK, but once you’ve done this to it, then what”.  Then what?  I was baffled!  Had he not noticed all the awesome and amazing things I’ve been doing to the house lately?  Has he not tasted the yummy meals I’ve been cooking???  So I ran through a few of the things I’ve done lately that I can say are all because of Pinterest…

A decoupaged key holder…I paid $1.47 for the wood, and $1.99 for the mod podge which I’m also using for other projects.  I had the paper and the hooks at home…and it matches perfectly with the “Family” plaque I bought at the Target dollar store a while ago and could never find the perfect spot for.


Delicious Chicken Taco Soup that I made for dinner…super duper easy and SO yummy!  This is the leftovers that we’ll have Thursday night over taco chips (or hash browns in my hubs case).





Easy Peasy cleaning product organization.  Bought an over-the-door shoe organizer at Wal Mart for about $5.50.  Hung it on the door to my larger pantry and put our cleaning products in it.  Cleared up SO much space under my kitchen sink, and makes it so much easier to find what I need.


Decoupaged letters that will go in my daughters bedroom.  They were $1.99 each at Hobby Lobby, and on sale for 40% off when I purchased them. I had the decorative papers in my scrapbooking supplies, just traced, cut, mod podged and POOF…adorable wall decor!

I spent about 2 hours today on the couch planning my daughters 2nd Birthday Party, which will be this Saturday.  Almost every idea for food/decorations has come from Pinterest.  Seriously, I dream that someday one of my ideas or items will be up there because someone saw it and said “Hey, this is awesome, I want everyone else to know about it!”  If you aren’t on Pinterest, get on there.  Now.  Seriously…it’s wonderful.


Bliss January 25, 2012

Filed under: home — sosewcute @ 9:01 am

Those of you that follow me on Facebook (So-Sew-Cute) and Twitter (@lightseyj) know that we have been moving and life has been IN-SANE lately. Well, it’s not totally back to normal, but last night we actually slept in the new house! It felt so great to be back in our own beds and wake up in our own house. I still have a lot of work to do, but this will make life much easier. Sometimes, it’s the little things in life!

So tell me, what are you smiling about and celebrating today?


Finally! January 22, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sosewcute @ 6:46 pm

I am soooo glad it’s Sunday night! This weekend has been crazy busy and even though we have a hectic week ahead of us (seems like they are all these days), I’m excited for the changes we have in our immediate future. My son is returning to public school after a year of homeschooling, and we will be officially living in our new house as of tomorrow or Tuesday. I’ll be posting pics as we get everything in the house and set up! For now, I’m enjoying this view as my kiddos chill on the couch together….



Oh, how time flies… January 19, 2012

Filed under: me...,mommyhood — sosewcute @ 11:03 pm

Yesterday I was pregnant, so pregnant I couldn’t tie my shoes. So pregnant that when my husband said “honey, you only have 2 weeks to go” I broke down sobbing because that 2 weeks seemed like a lifetime in that moment. Today, that baby that I was pregnant with, turned two. Even in the face of this fact, I swear, it was really just yesterday that she was born and I held her for the first time. Yesterday that our family if 3 became a family of 4 and felt complete.

I remember when I was pregnant thinking, how will I divide the love between both my children? I knew plenty of people who had multiple children, but it had never occurred to me to ask how they divided up the love. That’s because, being a parent of an only child for 12 years, it never occurred to me at there was more love to give…and there wasn’t, until she arrived.

I’ve been looking at pictures of the past two years tonight, looking at pictures I snapped on my phone, so thankful that I thought enough to record that moment in time…the toothless smiles, the angelic face she has when she slept, even the pictures of her crying now mean more to me than the specific moment I was originally capturing.

As I head into the terrible two’s with her, a part of me thinks “oh make the next year go fast” while another part of me thinks “I wish I could freeze time right now and keep her this age forever”. My vow today is to take a moment every day to take it all in and appreciate her for every mood, every phase, every laugh…


and every temper tantrum…


because a year from now, I will be sitting here, looking back on the past 365 days and saying “I can’t believe a year had passed”.


Ch, ch, ch, changes… January 12, 2012

Filed under: honesty,me... — sosewcute @ 7:23 am

I am not a person who avoids change, but I’m not necessarily someone who completely embraces it either.

We’ve had a lot of change going on in the past 3-6 months, and I think I’m on overload, because all I want right now is to have a completely finished, unpacked, totally organized home and for things to go back to normal. Unfortunately the normal I’m referring to will never happen again.

I’d like to get back the normal from 6 years ago when my dad was healthy and we didn’t even know the words “Multiple Myeloma”. I’d also like to go back to the normal from last year, before his most recent treatment stopped working. Before they put him on this new clinical trial with its side effects that leave him exhausted, spiking 102 degree fevers, and just overall not the same father/grandfather we remember.

Neither of those scenarios will ever happen though. And no matter how used to getting what I want I am, I will never get that either of those normals back.

I know in the grand scheme of things I’m lucky. I have both my parents here with me, I have a wonderful husband, 2 amazing kids, my health, a roof over my head, jobs, etc. I know that I shouldn’t waste time wishing for what will never happen, and most days the logic wins out and I just accept it. Then there are days like today, when I wake up and he is the first thing I think about. When I know that I will have to honor the promise I made my son yesterday, to look through old pictures that we found while packing. When I know that how many smiles and how much laughter there is from remembering and telling old stories, I will also have to fight back tears after seeing pictures of my dad when he was healthy. When he could play with me, stay up late with his friends, run around the backyard with his grandson. Long before those 2 words were introduced into our vocabulary. I would give up everything to go back to that day and change the test results.

But I can’t.


Who I love… January 11, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — sosewcute @ 2:13 pm

Well, that’s not really a great title for this post, because I love a lot of people…but these are the people who are the most important in my life and keep me going every day; or maybe they are the people that are driving me to the nervous breakdown I don’t have time to have, I can’t remember…


My mom and my daughter, two of my favorite girls in the world!


My son and my bff’s daughter. They met in Montessorri school and are still very good friends. This was taken about 3 or 4 years ago, they are both much bigger than this now…


My awesome and amazing hubs, hanging with our daughter…I think she’s teaching him how to use the iPad.

My BFF…I would be SO lost without her!